her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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