Barsexuality is the new black.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just gift wrapped bread.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
