I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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