I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
