I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
