Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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