So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
