hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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