DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
