good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
