so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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