i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
