Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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