well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't deserve a penis
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
