They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
