Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I got inside last night via doggy door
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
