On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
