went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You are a genius and a whore.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
