Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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