Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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