you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
