Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
