I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize