Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
