I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
