Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
