That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
