Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
