I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
