You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
