Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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