I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
