I'm really into asian looking animals
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
