SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i now understand why vodka
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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