The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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