whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
two words: eviction party
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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