Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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