just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize
