What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
