It's Friday. Sex?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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