I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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