I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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