He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
