S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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