Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Damn victory sex feels great
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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