That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
