hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
