I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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