So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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