I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
