you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
