its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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