how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
