I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You have to summon your inner elephant
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
