I met the friendliest cop last night
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
